if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
