It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
