dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
do nipples grow back?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
