next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
