does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
