..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
