sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
