I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
