Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
