Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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