please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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