I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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