So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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