And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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