is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
