My room smells like vodka and shame
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
foreskin is a definite game changer
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
