Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
