dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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