but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
