Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
