i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
