I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
