you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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