He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
