dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
