My friends, they love my intelligence
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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