I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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