At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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