I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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