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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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