Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
