This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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