I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
