the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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