I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
