i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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