I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
