i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She tied me up with her honor cords...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
