This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
not ubering you a puppy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
