you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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