apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
