i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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