From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
