They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
