i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
