Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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