Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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