So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
