My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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