The maid of honor just puked.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
