I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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