Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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