I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
