none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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