so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
