Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
