it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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