i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
