Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
