just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize