dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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