So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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