If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
