dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
