Sponge bath it is.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
