i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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