You're my little dorito
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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