Dude my mom stole all your condoms
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
