so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
